Inscrutable Sexpressions
by HetChrome
Summary: Kuroko has sexpressions. Aomine is awkward. Their very first, haphazard date. Shoujo manga makes a return. And again, the Generation of Miracles feels the need to tag along. A parody of the Kise/Kuro fic, Impassive Endearment. Aomine/Kuroko, AoKuro, GoM/Kuroko. M for Language.


_Sexpression – n. A facial expression that exudes pheromones, often unknowingly._

_Sexpressively, Sexpressive, Sexpressed._

* * *

**Hi: **KuroBasu fic 2, this time AoKuro. Starts out a bit serious, but eh. It's another shoujo manga parody, because I can't write things that aren't cliché lol.

**Disclaimer:**Blood gushing from eyes from pure cliché is not my fault. Also, sorry about Midorima, I can't write him very well... Also, this is _not_ a continuation of the Kise fic. Completed only because our WIFI went under. And I gave a little more love in here, plus hella word count.

* * *

Aomine couldn't remember when it started.

If he had to say, it'd have to be from the very beginning – when he first met the boy.

Kuroko was a third string player at Teikou, and they played basketball together every day, well into the evening. Those early days, the precious memories he had, were quite possibly the best days of his life. There were no worries in life, just going to school, sleeping, and then finding Kuroko after practice for more basketball.

Of course, they'd become friends very quickly. Kuroko would smile for him when Aomine said stupid things, and they'd walk home together in the evenings, sweaty but content, possibly sharing a twin popsicle. It was a perfect world.

Then Momoi had to butt in, about how she met the person of her dreams. Which, oddly enough, turned out to be Kuroko. Then it was the three of them walking home.

But of course, whenever something interesting happened, Akashi wanted to be in on it. He introduced Kuroko to the Generation of Miracles, and they all seemed to take a liking to Kuroko – or at least some semblance of respect.

Then it became four, five, six people walking home together.

Okay, so four other people. He could deal with four other people.

It wasn't bad, really. They were interesting and kept things lively. And they all played basketball together. It was great.

But the middle school days were over.

Now Kuroko was hung up on some Bakagami Tiger guy or something, and it hurt.

Which brings us to our current situation.

Aomine was squatting next to the sign of a restaurant Kuroko frequented – it's not like he was a stalker, okay, he got the info from Satsuki. Because of course she'd have that kind of network.

He peered around "Today's Specials are…" to look through the glass doors. It was crowded even for late evening, the inside brightly lit with artificial light. He could hear the bustle of people inside and out, but he couldn't see Kuroko anywhere (not that it was uncommon). Since Aomine played with Kuroko as a single unit back in middle school though, Aomine was pretty confident that if he was actively searching for Kuroko, he'd find the boy.

And he did.

With that bastard Kagami dude.

They sat near the windows, Kagami with a mountain of burgers that looked tiny compared to his large hands, and Kuroko was sitting across in the plastic booth, sipping what Aomine knew was a vanilla shake.

Aomine grit his teeth.

_He _was supposed to be there. _He _was the only one that could possibly match Kuroko, the one who understood him the most, the one who was more talented, more popular, more …

Something.

The Kagami bastard didn't have it. He wasn't worthy of being by Kuroko's side.

_I'll take him from you. I'll take back what was mine in the first place_.

* * *

"Tetsu," he blurted, as the door opened in front of him. He was bundled in a jacket, hands stuffed into pockets to keep them from freezing. His breath clouded the air every time the oxygen stung his lungs.

6:30AM.

Kuroko Tetsuya was still in his pajamas, rubbing a bleary eye and standing there barefoot. His collar was skewed, and Aomine could see a broad expanse of collarbone (not that he hadn't seen it before, please…). He had a horrible bed head like usual (which Aomine happened to find adorable, thank you very much), and was wearing an expression somewhere between disbelieving and tired. Which ended up as exasperated.

"This is the first time I've seen Aomine-kun awake so early…" he said.

_Is that what you're surprised about?_

He didn't seem fazed in the least, still wearing the same blank face like usual. Maybe he was expecting this meeting to come.

"It's been a while, Aomine-kun. You're awfully early today." Kuroko stepped back in the house, inviting the taller boy to come in.

Aomine had no intelligent response to that, and so opted for a cool, all-purpose, "Tch," and stepped through the doorway, leaving his shoes haphazardly in the foyer before going up the stairs, where he guessed Kuroko's room would be. Kuroko straightened Aomine's shoes before following.

"What brings this visit?" Kuroko inquired as he set a cup of tea in front of his unexpected guest. Aomine looked disgruntled, but that didn't tell Kuroko much – he was almost always disgruntled.

"Tetsu – uh, how do I, tch." Aomine never prided himself on his communication skills, and he felt his cheeks begin to warm. He scratched his head furiously before taking a large gulp of tea to calm himself down.

"HOT!" he dropped the cup, and the half-full contents spewed over the floor. The cup rolled to a stop.

Kuroko wordlessly got a towel and some napkins before dabbing gently at Aomine's knee and sweater.

"Are you alright?" The monotone was tinged with a hint of worry. Aomine turned his head away.

His face still felt warm. God damn it.

"M'fine," he muttered. He went to the bathroom to clean up while Kuroko mopped up the mess.

He let his forehead thunk against the glassy mirror.

_The fuck am I doing?_

This was unbelievable. Beyond lame. He had gone from a neutral state to a negative while he was freaking trying to get positive points.

He splashed water on his face, watching the droplets drip down his cheek to his chin. He wiped his face with his sweater.

_Fuck this._

* * *

"Tetsu!" The door flew open. Kuroko looked up calmly.

"Yes?"

"Let's go on a date."

He was met with a blank stare.

"Tch, just, you know what, do you have plans today?"

Kuroko seemed to be thinking. Just as the pale boy was opening his mouth –

"You know what, you don't anymore, and I'm going to ask you out," Aomine ground out.

Kuroko pointed out, "Aomine-kun, you already asked."

Aomine could feel his cheeks heating up again, and he averted his eyes from his object of affection.

"Get ready, I'll be back to pick you up," he muttered.

"I understand. I'll take a shower first." Aomine doggedly tried to avoid images of Kuroko in the shower.

* * *

Aomine opened Kuroko's room door calmly, went down the stairs calmly, greeted his pleasantly surprised parents calmly, put on his shoes calmly, went out the door calmly, and then leaned against said door to hyperventilate.

_I can't believe I just did that._

He asked out _Kuroko_ of all people to a date. And Kuroko had _accepted_. And he had also asked in an _extremely_ uncool manner. Fan-fucking-tastic.

And not only that.

_Satsuki is going to _kill _me._

That was the least of his worries, however.

* * *

The moment Aomine got home, he went to shower and change, removing the last vestiges of tea from his person.

The moment he got home, his phone, conveniently left on his desk, was ringing.

He picked it up.

"Dai-chan, where _were_ you? I called _so_ many times; I thought you were dead or something!" Momoi screamed dramatically. Aomine winced.

"Chill out, woman. I just went to Tetsu's house for a bit," he said thoughtlessly.

"Tetsu-kun's house? What? Why didn't you take me with you? What did you do? What he say? Did he talk about me? Why didn't you take me with you? Why can't you bring your phone with you? If you leave it at home, you might as well just have a home phone!"

"Uh. I didn't do anything. Just asked him out." Again, thoughtlessly.

"Oh oka- _What do you mean, you asked him out?_"

"Dammit Satsuki-" Dial tone.

Aomine swore.

* * *

Momoi was furious. Dai-chan was going behind her back! With Kuroko-kun! _Why_ – Her two favorite people in the world, _why_…

It was time for drastic measures.

It was time to call one of Momoi's least favorite people in the world.

"Hey, Akashi-kun? Yeah, I need some help…"

* * *

Akashi flipped his phone closed with a snap. He could always get a smartphone, but flip phones were so much more dramatic.

It has been a while since he was so angry.

They were _his_ players, _his_ toys, _his_ team, _his _property.

They were _not_ supposed to be doing things he didn't want them to do – especially with each other. Is this a rebellion?

Well. That would be remedied soon enough.

It was time to remind Aomine who the true owner of Kuroko was. He smiled thinly, idly twirling a pair of scissors in his other hand while he dialed the next number.

* * *

Murasakibara picked up his phone, clamping the device between his head and his shoulder. His hands were much too busy to be holding a phone – they were currently attempting to open a rather stubborn snack bag.

Of course, he could always use scissors, but…

They were so far away.

And snacks taste the best when they're opened by hand. Such is Murasakibara's experience.

After Akashi had ended the call, Murasakibara realized that he was shaking slightly.

Whether from jealousy of Aomine or sugar withdrawal, he wasn't sure.

He shrugged and chose sugar withdrawal, ripping open the snack bag with unnecessary vehemence.

* * *

Midorima was actually watching a horoscope broadcast when Akashi's number flashed onto his screen.

"Hello?" His carefully taped left hand held the phone up delicately. He let out an irritated noise at the message passed on, but replied.

"I… cannot attend. My horoscope is especially bad today… And the lucky item appears to be our island kitchen."

* * *

Kise could feel the very life of him draining out at every word Akashi said.

"Kurokocchi…" he whined pathetically. "Aominecchi…"

His two favorite people. It felt a little like betrayal. He sobbed.

* * *

Aomine rushed back as fast as public transport would take him, his hair still wet from a hasty shower. He wasn't wearing anything too special – just baggy jeans, t-shirt, sweater, and a fur-lined overcoat. He wondered briefly what Kuroko would think about this, before shaking his head furiously to clear his thoughts. Tch, whatever.

Kuroko greeted him at the door again.

He was wearing a light blue shirt under a beige cardigan, jeans and a jacket. Great, they matched.

And Kuroko looked like he just walked out of the shower too – flushed cheeks, moist skin, and soft, fluffy hair from blow-drying.

Aomine swallowed hard to clear a sudden lump in his throat. He cleared it again roughly.

"S-So, c'mon, hurry up." He averted his eyes again, but they darted back toward the smaller boy, who noticed nothing as he put on his shoes.

"Where are we going, Aomine-kun?" Kuroko asked as they walked.

Aomine swore mentally for what felt like the fiftieth time that day – he was aimlessly walking in a random direction.

"Uh. Y-You hungry?"

"Not particularly, why?" Kuroko looked up at him curiously. Damn, he was bad at picking up cues.

"No reason. You wanna… see a movie?" he mumbled, again cussing himself out. Did he just pull a shoujo manga? He just pulled a shoujo manga.

"Is there something in particular you want to watch?" Kuroko asked as they looked at the currently playing movies.

_Chick flick, chick flick, horror, chick flick, chick flick, documentary, chick flick, cartoon, Harry Potter, chick flick… God damn it, what the hell?_

Kuroko was still looking up at Aomine expectantly, his round orbs inquisitive. Aomine glanced down and back up again, turning his head to hide his reddening ears and cheeks. Thank god for darker skin. He cleared his throat again.

"Wanna watch horror?"

Kuroko checked the title. "Blood, Death, and Zombies Part Eight. Do you like this kind of thing, Aomine-kun?"

"Uh…" The truthful answer was _no._ These kinds of horror movies were as boring as shit.

"…Yes…" Damn you, mouth.

"I see. Let's go get the tickets," Kuroko responded, taking Aomine's hand casually in his own and tugging him over to the line.

Of course, Aomine's hand picked an excellent time to start sweating like mad, and his mouth went dry at the same time his face turned blue. Fantastic combination as always.

_Kuroko is holding my hand…_

_My hand.._

_Kuroko is…_

_Holding…_

He took deep breaths. Calm, Aomine, calm.

"Excuse me, two tickets for this movie please." The man at the counter didn't respond, apparently not noticing the boy right in front of him.

"Oi, old man, didn't you hear him? Two tickets," Aomine gritted, pulling Kuroko away from the counter.

The tickets were handed over with much bowing and scraping.

"I can't let you pay for my ticket, Aomine-kun."

"Too late, shrimp," he grinned. He felt much better after letting off some steam at the clerk.

"I will buy the refreshments," Kuroko decided. Aomine let him – that determined look on his face was too cute to resist.

Kuroko returned laden with drinks and popcorn, and had difficulty wrapping his arms over everything. Aomine hid a grin at this and took most of the pile, telling the smaller boy to hand the tickets to the lady standing in front of the screening rooms.

It was difficult to find a seat – especially one where Kuroko wouldn't have anyone sitting on the other side of him – but of course Aomine managed it. He always managed it.

"Hey, you. Move." More fearful looks and compliance.

"Aomine-kun, you can't do something like that."

"'Course I can," he grunted back, stealing a large handful of popcorn.

Kuroko frowned (it looked more like a pout, I swear).

"You can't do that if you want to go out with me." (1)

Aomine choked on the popcorn, spraying food out in every direction before hacking and heaving while leaning heavily on the armrest.

"S-sorry, _what_?" One more time please, dear.

"I won't accompany you on trips if you keep doing immoral things," Kuroko said firmly.

Oh. So _that's_ what he meant. Geez.

* * *

The rest of the Generation of Miracles lurked in the back of the movie theater, having zeroed in on the duo when they came in.

Murasakibara was eating his way through his fourth bag of extra buttery popcorn (the movie hadn't even started yet), Akashi was performing a series of calculations in his head to see at what angle he would have to throw a pair of scissors so that it would hit the back of Aomine's head, Momoi was watching Aomine and Kuroko while sulking, and Kise spent his time crying in his seat.

"Kurokoocchiiii…" He whined sadly.

"Shush, Ryouta. We are here on a stealth mission, and you are not fulfilling the "stealth" requirement," Akashi hissed. Murasakibara nodded in agreement.

Akashi sighed. "Actually, Atsushi, you are not either." His extreme height and extreme eating speeds were making him stand out more than natural.

"But Aka-chin, your hair is bright red."

"They also can't see my hair in a dark theater with their heads turned in the opposite direction. And your hair is purple."

Murasakibara munched a little more. "Momo-chin is pink."

"I've realized," Akashi responded dryly as he glanced at the duo below them.

"Kise-chin is also a model."

"Kurokoocccchiiiiiii…."

Heads in the vicinity snapped up at the name.

"Kise?"

"Kise Ryouta?"

"The model?"

Murasakibara nodded his great head sagely. "I suggest you run now, Kise-chin." He popped another handful of popcorn into his mouth, followed by two handfuls of Skittles.

Kise fled, hordes of hormone-stricken women (and some men) dashing haphazardly behind him.

Akashi almost felt sorry for him, but he had many other more important things to be using his brainpower on. Such as, if he stood on Murasakibara's shoulders to throw a pair of scissors, would the scissors hit with more force into the back of Aomine's head? Or, to maximize damage, should he aim for the neck? Hmm… decisions, decisions.

* * *

Aomine was bored out of his mind. He had expected it, but not for it to be _this_ boring. Creepy, sinister music, woman screams, women mistakenly thinks she was imagining things, probably looks into a mirror or a half-ajar closet before the monster pops out and she's dragged off screaming, rinse and repeat.

He glanced at Kuroko – generally in shoujo manga, this was a ploy to get the girl (here, Kuroko) to cling to the guy (here, the attractive and manly Aomine).

Of course, Kuroko didn't look scared at all. His eyes were open and watching, but no emotions could be derived from his blank stare. Aomine sighed resignedly and reached for the popcorn, only to feel the smooth skin of Kuroko's wrist. He yelped (embarrassingly loudly) and withdrew his hand. A few heads turned, but they went back to the movie.

Kuroko looked at him understandingly, reaching over to pat the taller boy on the shoulder before taking a sip of vanilla shake and going back to the movie.

Aomine buried his face in his hands.

_Whatever you're thinking right now, it's wrong. Wrong, I tell you._

* * *

They exited the theater an hour and a half later, Aomine throwing down the rest of the popcorn while Kuroko finished up his vanilla shake.

"Is there anywhere you want to go?" Aomine asked hesitantly. Kuroko looked at him and directed his gaze upward, thinking.

"Hmm… Actually, Aomine-kun, would you care to accompany me to the aquarium? I've been meaning to go for some time, but I wasn't sure who to ask," he said innocently.

"Y-Yeah. No prob. Let's go." Aomine speed-walked away, hiding his now beet red face. Kuroko was going to be the death of him.

* * *

"Aquarium?" Akashi frowned. "He could have asked _me_ to the aquarium."

Kise, who had returned missing his jacket and tie, panted as his rested his hands on his knees.

He muttered, "Yeah, if he wanted a sushi chef."

"Pardon?" mismatched orbs glowered at him. Kise paled.

"Nothing!"

Momoi stomped her foot. "_I_ wanted to go the aquarium with Tetsu-kun!"

"Fish _are_ delicious," Murasakibara agreed.

Akashi raised an eyebrow at that, but didn't comment, instead briskly stalking after the pair.

At home, Midorima leaned on his island kitchen, rubbing his cheek on the smooth marble, before briefly wondering what the hell he was doing.

* * *

The aquarium was dimly lit, the whole place a shade of blue from the lights filtering through the water tanks. Kuroko stared interestedly at the multitudes of fish there were, from big to small, long to short, fat to thin, in so many different shapes and sizes.

"Look, Aomine-kun. The fish down there is so small," he turned and smiled slightly.

Aomine's heart skipped a beat. If someone asked though, he'd swear it didn't happen.

"Y-Yeah." He turned to look at the other fish, only to find a particularly large fish eyeball in his face.

"GEH!" He jerked back in surprise. There was a muffled sound somewhere off to his left, which he realized was Kuroko.

Kuroko laughing.

It was no more than a soft chuckle, but the invisible boy's alabaster cheeks were flushed a teasing pink, even lighter than cotton candy. His upturned lips shone in the odd lighting, and they looked so … incredibly soft…

Aomine discreetly pinched himself to distract him from the sight. It was bad, bro. It was bad.

Deep breaths, Ahomine. Deep breaths.

* * *

The rest of the Generation of Miracles minus Midorima was hiding behind a large fish tank, their rather suspicious silhouette shielded by schools of brightly flashing fish.

Murasakibara was so surprised at Kuroko's expression, he stopped eating. Well. That was a first.

Momoi had long had her phone set to camera mode, and took at least eight pictures of the moment, followed by setting it to her wallpaper. Yes. Smart girl.

While Kise was passed out cold, Akashi had intelligently shielded himself from the moment to prevent any detriment to his health, while he added a few more reasons to his "Why I Should Kill Aomine" list. It was almost as long as Kagami's now. Excellent.

* * *

"You don't want to pet the stingray?" Kuroko questioned, looking up. His fingers were gently touching the back of a spotted stingray. It looked cool and smooth, sweeping gracefully through the water underneath Kuroko's lean fingers.

Aomine had this irrational urge to have stingray for dinner. Were they even edible?

He wordlessly stretched his hand forward, hesitating. His hand hovered over the surface of the water.

"Here," Kuroko took Aomine's hand in his, and guided into the cool liquid. "You won't hurt it," Kuroko promised.

Most people would say the opposite, "It won't hurt you." But Kuroko knew Aomine too well.

Their joined hands touched the small animal lightly, before it sped off to join its comrades.

"See?" Kuroko smiled his small smile again. Aomine's lips did a strange spasm thing back.

When they took their hands out, they left them interlocked.

* * *

Akashi shook his head. "I can't watch this," he hissed, as he placed Aomine ahead of Kagami on his "To Kill" list. Momoi had long abandoned the venture to run home crying, whereas Kise was still left passed out in the corner. Only faithful Murasakibara trailed after him as Akashi left the aquarium in a huff.

* * *

Kuroko wanted to see the sea cucumbers (which is strange enough, because no one else seemed to want to see the sea cucumbers), so Aomine allowed himself to be taken to the secluded corner next to the barnacle exhibit. Schools of fish wove in and out freely.

Kuroko said idle things to Aomine (odd, considering the smallest Generation of Miracles was also generally the most quiet), including things like:

"They look kind of delicious."

"I think I'd use soya sauce on that… Hmm."

"Aomine-kun, are you alright?"

Aomine snapped out of his daze.

"Y-Yeah? I'm fine. Perfect." _Don't worry about it, just this insatiable urge to kiss you right here in public and you are so not going to like that so I better stop thinking about it but I'm still thinking about it god damn why- _

He felt a cool hand on his cheek. Kuroko was standing on his tip toes, and had to lean a little against the tan player to even reach that high. Aomine could see the swarms of brightly colored fish gather behind the tiny boy in the tank, flashing fins and bumping against each other-

"It doesn't feel like a fever…" His wrist was taken in a firm grip.

"Aomine-kun?" Kuroko tilted his head.

Aomine cleared his throat once more.

"Sorry about this," he said roughly. "I'll make it up to you later."

He leaned down to kiss the tiny boy.

He expected many things. He expected to be hit, pushed away, or even worse, having Kuroko pull away, bow, and apologize. He expected Kuroko's lips to be moist and warm, but they were dry and cool and ridiculously soft. Kuroko didn't move at all, neither leaning away nor leaning toward him. The taller placed his hands delicately on the shorter one's neck, cupping his jaw gently.

He separated, breathing slightly harder than usual. Kuroko's expression wasn't one of someone that was kissed, more of someone who was watching a mildly interesting TV show. He didn't say a thing, just took Aomine's hand in his again (which Aomine took as a good sign… right?) and said, "Shall we go now?"

* * *

Kuroko was no longer holding Aomine's hand, but they walked close to each other anyway, the occasional swinging arm brushing against the other's side. Kuroko seemed comfortable enough, but Aomine had no idea what to think.

_Fuck. What is going on…? Do people normally not comment when they're kissed? I bet it's just Kuroko. Damn, why is he so weird?_

Needless to say, Aomine was panicking. Kuroko stopped in front of his gate, and turned to face Aomine.

"Mm… Could you lean down please? I'm afraid I'm not quite tall enough for this."

Aomine's heart nearly stopped beating. Was this…

…What he thought it was going to be?

He cautiously, slowly, leaned down, not daring to believe it.

Kuroko wrapped his arms gently around the other boy, pulling him down the rest of the way.

"Thank you very much," he murmured. Aomine could feel hot breath in his ear, heart racing a mile a minute. Kuroko nearly made to pull away, but stopped. "Also," he continued, "I make it my principle to save my first kiss for the second date, so you're not getting one next time."

With that, the shorter boy let go and went calmly back into his house.

* * *

Aomine spent the trip home feeling oddly blank and light-headed, not paying attention to the way he was going and bumping into a few stop signs before barely managing to make it home.

He collapsed onto his bed, not bothering to take off his outer layers of clothing.

As he did, a few things clicked into place.

Kuroko had effectively invited him on a second date. He had taken Kuroko's first kiss. Kuroko didn't seem to mind. Kuroko was also a lot more seductive than everyone gave him credit for. He also dimly recognized that the shoujo manga set he borrowed from Momoi was shredded by what looked like shears. Satsuki was going to be so pissed at him. The last part was pretty irrelevant.

Just like that, his heartbeat returned full force, like a girl experiencing first love. _Fucking_ shoujo manga, _god damn it_.

He realized that even though he was wearing three layers of clothing, he was shivering. _Damn_ Kuroko was erotic. _Damn_.

* * *

Omake

A few weeks later, Aomine got a text.

"Blood, Death, and Zombies Part Nine is out. Would you like to go watch with me?"

The answer would have been a resounding _fucking __no_ if it weren't for the last two words.

End.

* * *

(1) - In Japanese, the word for "to go out with" (as in to date) is the same as the word "to accompany." In this case, the double meaning works in English too. 8D


End file.
